This month has been a doozy. April this year has felt like an entire year in microcosm. But, I suppose that’s apropos for the first full month of Spring. Grand transitions must be expected during the season of rebirth. Ironically, April is also the month of my human birth (this life, anyway). Birth and rebirth, beginnings and endings and new beginnings, are all living next door to each other. It can be simultaneously profound and claustrophobically crowded.
On the sweet side, Mama Earth has started stirring, her precious babies blooming and sprouting and blinking in the sun and drinking in the returning warmth in its wake. This is my salvation. Watching Nature’s recovery from the cold barrenness of winter gives me hope that I, too, will recover. And after this too long Southern winter, I am more in need of this salvation than usual.
On the challenging side, another birthday celebration always gives rise to yet another inventory of my personal successes and failures. This year’s retrospective is peppered with both, but feels a little heavier on the latter. This is not an implication of self-shame (as I wrote about in March), but, rather, a recognition of guilt for not making more of an effort. I seem to have this realization of myself time and again: I am kinda lazy. I am lacking motivation. I am lacking a sense of passion and purpose. Or, if I find moments of passion, I fail to act on them accordingly. Still, despite these cyclical recognitions, I inevitably make excuses to justify not pursuing those moments of passion to try to grow them into a lifetime of fulfilling living. That’s just bad form on my part. And this month, when I celebrate my birth and take stock of my life, I am once again holding that mirror to my Self and asking, ‘What are you going to do about it, lady?’
The answer is, I don’t really know yet, but I am hoping that a meditation on Nature’s rebirthing will help lead to my own. Inspiration is all around. It’s in the blooms bursting forth from their previously dormant stalks. It’s in the stories of others who have made the decision to make their lives better through hard work and self-discipline. (Jay, Lisa: I’m talking about you!) It’s in the faces of my friends, family, and students who support me with unwavering trust in my potential. All I need to do is pay attention to it. Then, I need to stop making excuses. And, as school comes to an end along with April, I will have fewer excuses to make anyway. I will have more time available. I am once again without a car, so I will be getting outside more often, and that is always a good thing.
I am making myself a little list of resolutions for the month of May. I will list them here (appropriately, no?) and will report on my progress next month. I welcome you to follow along with me in these resolutions, or to make your own and report back here with your experiences. After all, a great journey is only achieved with one little step at a time.
Mini Resolutions for May:
1. Meditate daily (minimum of 5 minutes)
2. Yoga practice daily (minimum of 15 minutes)
3. Eat clean. (No emotional feeding. Real planned meals.)
4. Do something creative every week
5. Drink 4 liters water daily
There. Those don’t sound so bad, do they? Most of these are things I enjoy doing, but don’t make time for often enough. Strange how I need to force myself to do things I enjoy, but I give myself no arguments for things that feel like drudgery.
So, will you join me? What are your resolutions for May? I’d love to hear them! Good luck to us all!